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The Ex Who Won’t Go Away

The Ex Who Won’t Go Away

If you keep up with celebrity news, you’ve probably heard about Kanye’s attempts to get back into Kim Kardashian’s good graces. In case you missed it, Kimye broke up and are in the process of getting a divorce. Following the separation, Kanye has tried or is trying everything under the sun to get Kim’s attention from reaching out to mutual friends to get her phone number, tagging her on his rants on  Instagram not to mention calling her out on her parenting. 

This behaviour reminded me so much of my ex who won’t go away. Five years after our millionth and final break up the man still has hope that we’ll get back together. No matter how many times I have told him that he should just move on, it seems the guy is determined to hang around until I somehow change my mind.

Let’s start from the beginning. Mister is a narcissist. He is emotionally abusive. Breaking up with him was the best thing I did. The problem started when, even when I begged him to, he wouldn’t leave me alone. He made it his mission to like and comment on even mundane things like a job change update on LinkedIn. He’d send messages and call incessantly. He wanted to make sure that he kept me in his life no matter what. It got so bad that  I had to change my phone number and block him everywhere. 

Photo by Andreas Haslinger on Unsplash

I felt unsafe, like I was being stalked. I needed a break from him so that I could start to heal from the relationship but he wouldn’t give me that. I felt at a loss because we all know how narcissists behave. They lack empathy and don’t care who they hurt on their way to getting what they want. 

I made the mistake of allowing him into my life only for the sake of our child but he used this to try and win my heart again. I’d withdraw whenever he made his intentions clear and then the bullying and threats would begin. Try as I might to get his friends and family to speak to him to get him to stop, nobody seemed to understand what it felt like to be constantly bombarded by unwanted attention. 

And then there are the attempts to reach your family and friends to try and get to you. I’ve heard our dirty linen aired in front of total strangers, stories of our relationship and eventual breakup told to even some of my parents’ oldest friends, people who had no idea what was happening. All this to try and get them to talk to me so that we can get back together. 

Photo by Maddi Bazzocco on Unsplash

It’s funny how society is so tolerant of emotional abuse, even going to the extent of accusing the woman of being hard-hearted as she refuses this man who is clearly abusing her. But I’m not surprised given the number of women who are told to stay in physically abusive relationships with some of them being killed by their spouses, not to mention the negative effects this kind of relationship has on the children.

Seeing Kanye do this to Kim has triggered some very painful memories. It might be a publicity stunt, it might not, but the truth is these things happen in reality. So many women suffer in silence because of exes who won’t go away. And it’s sad to see society normalizing this type of abuse. There are people who will shame the woman for not taking the man back. Others will side with the abuser, like they have with Kanye, seeing this torment as a sign of love and even want to emulate it. What many fail to see is that this is emotional abuse and it should be reprimanded and not applauded.

If I could talk to my ex who won’t go away, I’d tell him this: It’s over. It doesn’t matter what you do or say, nothing will make me come back. Move on with your life. I’ve moved on with mine. 

Since this isn’t a possibility and honestly, won’t amount to anything, I’ll concentrate my energy on rebuilding my life. If you’re being tormetted by an ex who won’t go away, remember this: you deserve better. Your decision to leave is valid, don’t let anyone make you think otherwise. Surround yourself with people who love and support you. They’ll see you through this tough time.

Have you ever had an ex who won’t go away? How did you handle the situation?

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