Last year I was diagnosed with trauma. It had been years in the making, a result of an emotionally abusive relationship and years of challenging events with seemingly no respite in sight. Although I had eventually gotten out of the relationship, I had unconsciously allowed this person’s opinions of me to become so ingrained in me that I had lost all knowledge of my former self. I lacked self-confidence. I blamed myself for many things that had happened in my life. I was perpetually sad and struggled to find even the smallest things to smile about. I had no motivation to do even those things that I loved. I would take photos and see my smiling face but deep down I knew that was just a front. I was broken, a shell of my former self.
Now I’m not writing this looking for pity. I simply want to encourage anyone who is in a similar boat.
After months of therapy, I finally reached a place where I had made peace with my past (for the most part) and learned new skills with which to handle the struggles of daily life. I had been taught how to look after myself, to make myself a priority and learn to say no to situations and persons who no longer served me.
I then embarked on a journey of self-discovery, rediscovery rather. I didn’t want to go back to being who I was before the trauma. Instead I wanted to embrace this new me, the one who had gone through all that I had and came out of that dark tunnel, strong and with a newfound purpose.
While I am aware that many people go through far much worse than I have, I don’t belittle my experiences. They’re mine and I continue to learn from them everyday. I’ve become more aware of things that trigger my anxiety and instead of allowing these to make me withdraw into myself and give up, I am using them to understand why they’re triggering me and make better life decisions. They make me push myself to handle the turmoil of emotions and thoughts that sometimes overwhelm me and use these lessons to help others too.
If you’re struggling with any form of mental health issue, don’t be afraid to take a step back and heal. It’s a tough process but one that will have positive results. Make yourself a priority. Take a break from pouring into other’s cup and pour into your own for a change.
Thank you for stopping by.
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