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Audrey Masitsa, Editor's Note

Life Update | I’ve Been Struggling

Happy new month!

For a long time now I haven’t been feeling my blog. At first I didn’t know what the problem was but with time I noticed that because of a lack of peace of mind, my creativity had waned. I have been going through a lot of self-doubt lately. I haven’t been feeling like I am good enough for many things. I have been struggling with comparing myself to others and seeking validation from all the wrong places. All this culminated in me being unable to tend to my blog even though it forms such an integral part of my life.

I mentioned before how I felt I had outgrown fashion blogging. Don’t get me wrong, I still love fashion going through the different shows at New York Fashion Week and Paris Fashion Week has reignited my passion for fashion. What I want to be able to do is blog in my own unique voice without feeling like to be good enough I need to go the route of the many amazing fashion bloggers out there.

Another struggle that I have been having is the whole idea of seeking validation from all the wrong places. In the past, I would put up posts, not only here on my blog but also on my social media, and then I sit down and wait to see how many likes each post garnered. I found myself placing my self-worth on how much clout my posts got and whenever I would post something that didn’t garner as many likes, I would feel like I wasn’t good enough. I realised this wasn’t healthy and started staying away from social media. I felt that this was the only way for me to remind myself that I am worth much more than a few likes on my Instagram or Facebook.

The other thing that I have sort of acquired a distaste for is sharing too much about my life online. I’m not a big time blogger but I still craved for privacy: to be able to sort out my ish without everybody knowing that I am going through a hard time. Try as I might to keep my online space positive and away from any personal drama, I found that my posts almost always ended up reflecting my state of mind at any given time. There is also the need to constantly put up posts just so that I can keep up with the social media gurus out there. I didn’t like this pressure. I still don’t. A goal I have given myself is to put up posts when I want to and not to keep going back to check how many people have liked them.

I am also working on creating good posts here on the blog and if possible revive my Youtube channel and to focus more on what I am passionate about (fashion and personal development) without feeling like I have to do certain things just to gain popularity. I don’t want to actively seek out popularity. I want to go back to creating content because I have something useful to share with you and because I enjoy it tremendously.

On the 12th of September we marked six years of this blog. I still can’t believe how much time has flown by. I have seriously thought about quitting these last couple of months but I feel like this blog is such an important part of me, my outlet, that if I quit, I will be left with a void that I might not be able to fill. So instead of quitting, I will reduce the number of posts and categories that I put up. I want to work on improving the quality of each post in terms of the information I share and how I put my thoughts across. I want to take it one day at a time so that I don’t feel like I am putting too much pressure on myself and consequently, have another creators’ block. Therefore, posts will be going up on Mondays Wednesdays and Fridays.

Thank you for your continued support.

P.S. What specific posts would you like to keep reading?

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